A fan letter from Thomas Lee

Thomas Lee is more than likely a fictional character created by this asian company to send me weekly spam aout their kid's pushscooters. Yep, I get crap like this all the time, but this one raised the bar with worse-than-usual translation and a candid examination of the defects of their products. Read on....

Subject: Scooters
Date: Thu, 19 Jul 2001 10:46:13 +0800
From: xwktoy <xwktoy@public.xm.fj.cn>
To: illnoise@2strokebuzz.com
[.cn? isn't that Canadia?][+ many others -ed]

DEAR BOSS:
[ha! Boss!]

WE HAVE CONTACTED BEFORE [unfortunately] AND YOU KNOW WE ARE A LEADING MANUFACTURER AND EXPORTER OF SCOOTER ITEMS , INCLUDING PUSH SCOOTER, ELECTRIC SCOOTER ,GASOLINE SCOOTER, BIKE SCOOTER, E-BIKE AND OTHER ITEMS

PLS. CHECK OUR NEW WEBSITE WWW.XM-MINMETALS.COM
[I did, just for yucks, and it crashed my browser]

RECENTLY, WE HAVE ONE HOT ITEMS---MINI BIKE ( WE HAVE MANY STYLES) ., THE PRICES ARE AS FOLLOWS. PLS. CHECK THE WEBSITE---HOT ITEMS.

FH-004 FOB NINGBO USD.21.00/PCS.
FH-2001 FOB NINGBO USD.20.50/PCS.
RB-601 FOB NANJING USD.18.70/PCS.
RB-602 FOB NANJING USD.24.00/PCS.
RB-603 FOB NANJING USD.27.50/PCS.(REAR & FRONT SHOCK)
MB03 FOB SHENZHEN USD.25.00/PCS.(REAR& FRONT SHOCK)
MB02 FOB SHENZHEN USD.23.00/PCS.
WA-001 FOB SHENZHEN USD.25.50/PCS. (REAR& FRONT SHOCK).
WA-001 FOB SHENZHEN USD. 27.00/PCS. (REAR& FRONT SHOCK; FOOT BRAKE)
SJ-002 FOB SHENZHEN USD, 24.15/PCS

MIN.ORDER IS 1X20¡¯FCL./ 700 PCS.
[what am I going to do with 700 pushscooters?]

I HOPE TO GET YOUR SUPPORT ABOUT ALL THESE ITEMS.

B.RGDS[?] ./THOMAS LEE
2001,7,20.

[This is where it starts to get good...]

ALSO, ACCORDING THE REQUIREMENTS OF MANY CLIENTS,
[And the laws of other countries, and common decency] WE ARE IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF OUR E-SCOOTER HXDH-01 AND ADDI-01.

1: NEW FOLDING SYSTEM
2: NEW MOTOR IS 240 W/24 V. ; GRADE F
[Wooo! Grade F!].
3: THE CREEPING DEGREE CAN REACH 12 DEGREE WHEN MAX LOAD 100 KGS.
4: THE SEAT CONNECTED WITH THE PLATE BY ¡° ON-TOUCH¡± SYSTEM. DON¡¯T USE TOOLS AGAIN WHEN LOOSING
THE SEAT.
5: WITH LIGHT, HORN, BATTERY INDICATOR.
6: THE CABLE LINE ( BRAKE LINE) ARE WRAPPED BY A PLASTIC TUBE. AND IT IS SAFER.

7: THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THE BOTTOM OF PLATE WITH GROUND IS HIGHER.
8: THESE TWO ITEMS CAN BE WITH OR WITHOUT SEAT.

NOW THEY ARE REAL E-SCOOTER, THEY ARE SAFER AS A TRANSPORTATION TOOL.

THANKS FOR HELP OF SOME OF OUR CLIENTS OF E-SCOOTER, SO WE HAVE AMENDED OUR WEBSITE. AND
DELETE ALL THE ITEMS WHICH CAN NOT REACH THE SAFETY STANDARD. NOW ALL LEFT GOODS IN OUR
WEBSITE ARE GOOD ENOUGH AS A TRANSPORTATION TOOL.SAFETY FIRST.

THE DELETED ITEMS HAVE THE FOLLOWING MAIN PROBLEMS.

1: CREEPING DEGREE IS TOO SMALL ( 5-8 DEGREE)
2: THE FOLDING SYSTEM IS NOT GOOD.
3: THE MOTOR ( GRADE A AND B) AND CONTROLLER ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
4: THE BRAKE SYSTEM IS NOT GOOD.
5: THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THE BOTTOM OF PLATE WITH GROUND ARE TOO LOW.IT IS NOT SAFER.
[and meets all safety standards of the1940s!][All your plate are rub to ground]
6: BATTERY IT NOT GOOD. SOME DANGEROUS !
[oh, good.]

OF COURSE, THEY ARE CHEAPER !!!!!!
[cheaper than you could possibly imagine]

E-SCOOTER , AS A TRANSPORTATION TOOL, IT WILL HAVE POTENTIAL MARKET.
[If they can recover from the "radioactive LSD chainsaw lollipop" lawsuit]

IF AS TOYS LIKE MINI SCOOTER,
IT WILL HAVE NO MORE MARKET. FOR SAFETY AND PRICES ARE THE MAIN PROBLEM !!!!!!

[What? and leave some exclamation points for the rest of us, guy!!!!!]
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