by Matt “Schwing” Howie

All right, I'm back, and with a fashion vengeance. It’s summertime, and you know what that means for fashion! It's time to look your best and
coolest. The air is warm, and you are hot!

OK, now, let's get down to the nitty-gritty. Summer means scooter riding, and if you know anything about scooters, "scooter riding" inevitably leads to "scooter repair," because "scooter riding" means "scooter crapping out on you" usually in the seediest part of town. It always happens, you’re out there happily cruising around, and bang, the dang thing dies.

So, after turning down a few offers of gesellschaft from the local corner watchers, you manage to get the scoot home and into the garage. There in the garage, she will sit patiently waiting your loving touch.
But fashion trouble starts shortly before you go out to the garage with one simple dilemma—What to wear? That immortal question needs to be answered before you think about looking at woodruff keys, clutch plates, brake light valves, or piston return springs.

What to wear? "Simple question," you might say, but nooooo… It’s all about style. Before you go out into the garage, you have to ask yourself "how much work am I really going to do?"

If you are mod enough to really want to look your best, then you’re not going to want to get dirty. That is where the whole idea of "work" comes into play—because really, you don't want to work. So invite somebody over who knows more about scooters than you ever will. They’ll come over, you act like a bumbling moron, and before you can say "Is that a Tamla 45?" the other schlob is working on your scoot, and your nice sharkskin suit stays nice and clean. With your trusty mechanic working away on your scoot, it gives you time to pursue those teenage girls down the alley who just took up smoking. Also, because your buddy did the job, you’re not the idiot responsible for your kneuter valve going out later!
For the Mod garage, not only do you need a very neat working space, but good music, and you can't forget your talcum powder, just in case you feel the urge to throw down some quick dance moves. Stay clean, and well dressed, and you'll have the hippest garage in town!

Now, if you're more like the troopers of Galewood AutoSport Techniksy (AST), then you will be working on your own scooter (and at quite regular intervals). Here, fashion takes a back seat to practicality, baby. Sure you want to look good for the same bunch of girls, but you know that these girls are looking for a man. When you come out of the garage covered in rust and dust from doing an EXCELLENT job on your bodywork, they'll see you as nothing but 100 percent man, and be on you like a Hobo on a hamsammich!

Really, for that AST garage, you’re just looking at a working radio and pants that won't show your crack when you bend over. The floor will be covered in oil. You’re too busy to notice spilled flammable liquids, and the fumes from the Rustoluem cloud your vision. Of course, AST is a firm believer in "Old Style" inspiration, so you always want some Old Style on hand.

By following either of my suggestions, you can look hip while you look like you're doing something. Soon, that scoot will be back on her wheels, and you'll be set to head off to the clubs.