“Swimsuit Issue” is just a Sonic Youth song

Most of us stopped “reading” Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue in about 6th grade, when we finally tracked down some real porn. But there will always be 6th-graders, so SI keeps publishing it, and comically pretending it’s a guide for women shopping for swimwear. Their portfolio now includes athletes’ wives, tennis stars, cheerleaders, bodypainted nudes, Danica Patrick (you’re killing us, Danica) and the usual fashion models, but, strangely still no men (don’t men need swimsuit shopping advice?). It’s always beautifully-shot, and always edging just close enough to pornography to create a stir and sell magazines. To anyone with a connection to the Internet, the Swimsuit Issue (and even the Swimsuit Issue website) seems as anachronistic as the Sears catalog lingerie section, but as a public service, Michael dutifully searched through the sprawling site to find these photos of Daniella Sarahyba blocking our view of a vintage Vespa 50 Special in Naples, Italy. As fans of imperfection, charm, and natural beauty, we find the scooter much more appealing than the model. Is there something wrong with us if our eyes are immediately drawn to that aftermarket fenderlight, rather than Daniella’s headlights?