Author: illnoise

Pride of Cleveland became an official Joe Rocket dealer today:
Phil: My only problem with Joe Rocket is they’re made in Pakistan.
JR Rep: Not anymore, as of last March none of it is made in Pakistan.
Phil: Where’s it made then? (thinking Central America, etc.)
JR Rep: China. The quality has gone up significantly and the leathers smell
better.
Phil: Smell better?
JR Rep: Yeah, in Pakistan they cure all their leather products in Cow Urine.
Phil: What !?
JR Rep: Ever wonder why your leathers smell so funky the first time you sweat
in them. It’s the curing process in Pakistan, giant vats of cow urine with
hides soaking in it.
Phil: Damn, you learn something new every day. I guess China ain’t so bad.

by Vina Vroom, sung to the tune of “In the Ghetto”

On a cold and wet Chicago night
Well, two old bikes fell off a trailer
In*ze ghetto
(In*ze ghetto)

And Nenita cried
eCause if thereis one thing that she donit need
Itis more than just the brakes to bleed
Morimoto
(Morimoto)

People donit you understand
These bikes, they need a helping hand
Or we wonit get to ride high again someday
Take a look at you and me
Now just what do you see
These bikes they are too pretty
To be left in a heap
In*ze ghetto
(In*ze ghetto)

The car wheels eround
And a fat little girl with a runny nose
Jumps out of the car and a cold wind blows
In*ze ghetto
(In*ze ghetto)

And she spies Breaky
So she starts to kick at the rear taillight
Puts a dent in the pipe*
And she screams, iF this shitei
In*ze ghetto
(In*ze ghetto?

And the crowd gathers eround the angry young girls
Bikes in the street, autumn leaves eround them swirl
In*ze ghetto
(In*ze ghetto)

Load them up again
Get back in the truck
Once again, press our luck
In*ze ghetto

An Australian couple on a 30,000km round-the-world trip to raise funds for multiple sclerosis have had their motorcycle stolen in south Wales – just one day before completing their journey in London. The assholes probably just crashed it a couple of blocks away and left it in a bush.

Miss Grace of the Black Windows writes, “Look at the cool scooter poncho my shmoopy brought back from China! I
can’t wait to use it and have the front part blow up in my face and
suffocate me. The handy clear panel will allow you to watch me die!” I was going to Photoshop Grace’s face onto the photo, but she said “don’t bother, we all look the same.”

in an extreme act of desperation, Pochacco was kidnapped from Sanrio Wednesday afternoon and is being held for ransom. A note was found later along with this photo. The note reads “Dear Hello Kitty, if you ever want to see your cardboard friend again, please deliver his yellow and white Bajaj Chetak scooter to the corner of Clark and Balmoral and place the keys in the New City newsbox (nobody reads New City anymore).” We’ll report more details as they become available.

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And you made me smile;
For a little while
I was Phil-ing in love.

My dad emailed to let us know he and Mrs. Noise saw a Travel Channel show about Rome that had a bit on the Vespa Club Roma. In the beautiful and historic homeland of the Vespa, the Roman club meets at an establishment called “Bar Canada.” heh.

According to the new issue of Scootering, 340 British scooterists have already made reservations for the Las Vegas Rally. Christophe hasn’t even officially announced the date yet. This should be interesting.

Speaking of Scootering, they’ve finally redone their website. It’s sort of a bluer, more boring 2strokebuzz. But it’ll surely be a lot more useful than their old site once it gets rolling.

OeColour, creed, or roots
The only thing that unites us
Is Doctor Marten’s boots

Doctor Marten’s boots of the world
So that everybody can be free
They’re classless, matchless, ageless and waterproof
(And retail for only 19 pounds and 99p)

What should everyone be wearing?
Those boots with the air-flow soles
And your boots will have a meeting
And your boots will take control

Thanks to Doctor Marten
everyone will have warm feet
Thanks to Doctor Marten
they’ll be dancing in the street
No? Don’t you want me?
Okay, boots – do your stuff!

Doctor Martens, Doctor Martens, Doctor Martens BOOTS!”

Dr. Martens is closing its British factories and moving production to China. Fine, they’ve been crap for ages anyway. And if you’re too cheap to buy the new Young Ones DVD set, here are all the scripts. Thanks to Moe for reading the business section.

It’s mostly modern scooters, and UK-focused, but SCOOTZ.tk. is a nice site, and a good place for you scooterspotters to talk about the differences between the Benelli PepE 100 LX and the MBK Doodo XN125 (“Well, that would be 24cc, sir!”).

OK, I know, the whole “Max Wedge thing” is older than the Rally Monkey, but I never actually checked out The Max Wedge Page until last night. if you haven’t, check it out. It’s something to behold.

My Co-worker Dave: “So I walk in and there are about twenty people on stage dressed in rabbit costumes holding searchlights, and waving them around out at the audience, who are throwing around beach balls. The video screen is alternating between a film of an open chest cavity with the heart beating, a naked woman singing along with the song and spinning two disco balls, and more rabbits, with light coming out of their chests like Care Bears.” Yep, that’d be the Flaming Lips, God Bless ’em.

Ryan Bastianelli introduces Ryetronics. Have your stator refurbished or a wiring loom custom-made by a professional avionics electrician at great prices! He gets the 2SB seal of approval.

Don’t listen to what everyone is saying, “Sea Change” sounds like Sting and U2 doing Eagles covers. The Album of the Year is the Slanted and Enchanted Reissue.